[A weak smile, though his eyes reveal just a bit more of how terrified, confused, and lost he really was.
He shouldn't tell Jones. He's used to carrying his burdens on his own, it was better this way. Stick to the old ways.
But then again, it was different this time. He had people, people that cared about him and it actually helped, having someone there that did care.]
...I, uh... [He rubs the back of his head.] ...I'm just having a hard time, that's all. He-- [He doesn't even bother saying his name, like it would summon him in his head by accident or something.] He's doing stuff, and I'm...
I'm--I'm afraid, okay? I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and it'll all be him and not me. I won't even know it.
...sometimes I can't tell which parts are me-- [He taps his chest, the words spilling out. Maybe he was going to be lost but Jones would know, he would hold onto this last part of him.] --and which is him. And I don't even...don't even know if anything I'm thinking now is something that I meant to do. Or him. I just...I can't trust anything, and it's exhausting and one of these days I'm going to be too tired to hold it together and then...then I don't know. But it won't be me anymore.
no subject
...well, we can't have that.
[A weak smile, though his eyes reveal just a bit more of how terrified, confused, and lost he really was.
He shouldn't tell Jones. He's used to carrying his burdens on his own, it was better this way. Stick to the old ways.
But then again, it was different this time. He had people, people that cared about him and it actually helped, having someone there that did care.]
...I, uh... [He rubs the back of his head.] ...I'm just having a hard time, that's all. He-- [He doesn't even bother saying his name, like it would summon him in his head by accident or something.] He's doing stuff, and I'm...
I'm--I'm afraid, okay? I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and it'll all be him and not me. I won't even know it.
...sometimes I can't tell which parts are me-- [He taps his chest, the words spilling out. Maybe he was going to be lost but Jones would know, he would hold onto this last part of him.] --and which is him. And I don't even...don't even know if anything I'm thinking now is something that I meant to do. Or him. I just...I can't trust anything, and it's exhausting and one of these days I'm going to be too tired to hold it together and then...then I don't know. But it won't be me anymore.