And the Search for the Soul

[setthetone]

Sometimes Dr. John Carter wonders where Do no harm stops and where it begins.

If he saves someone even though he knows they will go out into the world and end other people's lives, is he, by extension, responsible, doing harm? He thinks he is. In a way, all this blood is on his hands, too. All those people that could have been saved if he had refused to do the saving. If he had slipped, had a little 'accident', had been a little too slow, if he said 'there was nothing else I could do'. It would be so easy, too.

But he can't.

And they know. Funnily enough, that's probably the reason he's still alive. Must be really hard for cutthroats and murderers to find good personnel that isn't as cold-hearted and backstabby as themselves. No, John is still alive because of his morals, his ethics. They know he'll do anything to save a person that needs it. No matter who they are or where they come from.

John has had lots of people on the table over the years. Bullies, racists, and yes, more often than not murderers (with Chicago and its gang activity it's inevitable) and in life and death, in those few moments that determine everything, they all become the same. You don't get the luxury to differentiate when you're a doctor. You shouldn't.

Only that when he tries to patch up a severely injured man he comes across in the middle of nowhere he's suddenly picked up by black vans with even blacker windows.

Only that suddenly guns are pointed at his face and he tensely informs them that this is really unnecessary because clearly he was already trying to save his life?

Only that he actually saves the guy's life and that kind of changes everything, seals everything that comes after, even though he doesn't realize it at that point.

Only that they 'recognize his skill', as they call it.

Only that they tell him his options here are limited.

Only that the threat to have your entire family murdered (and given ample proof of these people's capability to do so) is very persuasive.

Carter never learns how they do it but he finds his own obituary all over the papers soon after. It's nice, huge, the expensive kind (but then again, what else do you expect, given his family) and it's weird, like looking at his old life from the outside in, like a showcase on how it has been abruptly ended. Because there is no going back to it. This isn't some action movie where he can break out, start over with a new identity, not with these people.

No, this ends with his death. He knows too much at this point and the moment they don't need him anymore, the moment he becomes expendable, they are going to dispose of him. And Carter is not ready to die.

So he works, a personal doctor to a personal assassin, no questions asked. Eliot Spencer is terrifying, deadly, like a real-life terminator and definitely not someone he wants to mess with. Only that...

Only that sometimes – sometimes, slowly, over time – the questions start to form. The anger starts to rise. The morals grab his fears by the throat and choke. And John doesn't know how long it will be before he cries out.