makingthisupasigo | And the stars look very different today...

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And the stars look very different today...

It was a way out. But it wasn't home.

Truthfully, after Norfinbury, anything would be better than that place, but the cold truth was--there was no way to find his own universe out of the endless multiverse, even if Norfinbury's busted technology had worked properly. He was stuck, here, with a megalomaniac Flynn--granted, a Flynn that managed to open up a portal out of there. Maybe that's what it took to get out of Norfinbury.

Or, Peter thought sometimes on bad days, Norfinbury only released you once you became the twisted version of yourself it wanted you to be. A specially-designed virus inflicted on countless worlds.

Besides, he ought to know something about that.

He didn't stay long on earth, he couldn't. Maybe it had something to do with the mystery of how they were revived in Norfinbury, their bodies recreated or cloned or healed, or maybe it was something that was gonna happen to him anyway, but he could feel the Light burning inside him, inside his head almost as soon as he landed. A desperate need to take to the stars. He'd managed to create a ship and took off.

Time passes, and scientists notice something odd about several exoplanets they're monitoring, especially ones marked as 'earth-like' or other planets in zones that could make them potentially habitable. Bright bursts of light and changes in the composition of the atmosphere or surface, it was inexplicable. Possible evidence of intelligent life? If they didn't know any better, especially with the rocky planets that now somehow boasted extreme changes, it was like something was terraforming them.

There was cause for alarm when Mars suddenly turned blue and green a few months later.

Meanwhile, a small blue-and-orange ship that looked suspiciously like a slightly more organic-looking Milano was racing towards the earth.

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Jacob grins in an amiable way when he hears Flynn's voice in his head. It was so convenient, wasn't it? And this connection? Excellent for team work, too. He feels a strange kind of kinship with Flynn, being able to hear each other's thoughts brought a closeness most people would never have.

"Hey, I do my best, y'know? I--"

The bloom of pride he feels at Flynn's compliment suddenly just dies.

And in the next moment, it's all gone.

And in the next moment after that, there's a dawning, incomprehensible horror so great he can't stand it.

"Wh..."

His mouth drops open, as reality hits him like a truck.

Beating Ezekiel.

Coming up with the idea of breaking his hands.

The look on Jones' face.

Being buddy buddy with Flynn.

Actually breaking his hands.

Something in his soul just breaks clean in two.

"Y..."

He can't speak, it's too much. His knees buckle and he half-collapses, catching himself but not finding the strength to get up. It's too horrible, it's too much and he's sick, he's sick for a long minute and when he manages to collect himself he wipes his mouth and he's shaking--

--with a rage he didn't think possible a human being could have.

His voice is low, ragged. Almost a sob. Is he crying? He's crying.

"You...bastard."

"Hmm." Flynn tilts his head, watching him, feeling him break, all with a mild-mannered smile on his face, relishing in his misery. He waits patiently for Jacob to work through it all and find his voice again, at least partially. The insult makes him chuckle.

"Now, now, Stone, don't be like that."

All that rage and desperation.

All that guilt.

Would be a shame if Flynn let it all go to waste, really.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I actually meant it, I am so proud? Now, I had some plans for Jones myself but you. Breaking his hands? That was amazing."

He squats down to get on eye-level with Stone. "You know, I really thought I'd have to do alllll the work myself but I guess you really do hate him, huh? Not that I blame you, I totally get it. So obnoxious. Insufferable." A pause.

Oh, is he looking forward to that one.

"I can't wait what you're gonna come up with next time."

All he wanted to do was to save Jones.

And Jones has just wanted to save him.

That's it. That's all there was, and he couldn't even do that. Jacob's fists clench tightly together as the implications of what he'd done set in, that threaten to shatter his already cracked heart.

Breaking his hands had been his idea, Flynn had given him the freedom and creativity and he'd thought of it.

Maybe Flynn he put the idea in his head.

But no--that wasn't his style--he'd go for the crueler option, the knife that twisted the most, and that's what this was.

He'd thought of it and it was his fault.

He bristles, his gaze boiling, wanting nothing more than to start hitting that face in front of him, wanting to see him suffer, to pay for what he's done to Jones.

And himself.

But how? How could he get out of this and--

--next time.

The floor drops out from under him again and he gasps, it's almost a physical blow.

Again.

He can't do this again.

The sheer helplessness, the inability to do anything to stop it--Flynn would sense plans of a rescue, of a fight the moment he'd think of them. Jacob had never felt so utterly helpless in all his life, not even back home, secretly teaching himself ancient Greek at night, as a kid. No, this was different--this was cruel and all-encompassing.

Jones, in that cell, so broken. Hurt. Because of him.

What if he was right?

What if he did hate him?

How could he know which thoughts are his own?

No.

He'd never hate Jones, even when he was at his most annoying.

He stares humbly at his hands, unclenching his fists.

They weren't his hands anymore. They were Flynn's.

It was all Flynn's.

Everything he was, all his hopes and dreams and memories, his very thoughts, even his friendship, even his heart--they were no longer his own. He couldn't trust himself anymore.

...he won.

But no--Jacob couldn't accept that. As tempting as it would be to just give up and find a small corner of his brain to hide away, he couldn't--not when Flynn might use him like the Terminator to go after his friend.

He has to save Ezekiel. Somehow.

There, do you feel that, Flynn? That horror being tempered, the broken seam being welded back together? You haven't broken me, Jacob vows, even though several upsetting thoughts popped up that maybe he shouldn't--Maybe this was only going to get worse and he would be shattered irreparably--more than he already has, anyway--but he can't give up.

He can't.

"I'm gonna find a way out of this, pal, and then I'm gonna make you pay for every single thing you've done to Jones and me and everybody else. And I'm gonna watch when you whimper and cry and it's gonna be so...so satisfying. You hear that, Carsen? You're done for. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe you'll use me as a puppet but you'll never have me." He wipes his nose with his sleeve and slams a fist against his own chest. "You'll never have ME!"

Edited 2018-04-18 03:59 (UTC)

Flynn follows along with his thoughts, mentally tracing the cracks in his soul and yes, exactly.

Yes, they weren't his hands anymore.

Yes, they weren't his thoughts anymore.

Yes, it was all Flynn's.

For a second it looks like Stone might shatter right then and there but then suddenly there's the thought of Ezekiel and hope flaring up. Flynn's gleeful grin at Stone's reaction to his promises of more and next time falls flat at the sudden defiance that follows.

Ugh, the power of friendship is so annoying.

Then again, he isn't that surprised, to be perfectly honest. Stone is strong, not just physically but mentally, maybe stronger than he realizes. It's not going to change anything in the long run but it does make the whole thing more challenging. Flynn can't even be all that mad about it, because this is what he needs to make promises of 'next times', this makes everything so much more exciting. Again, how boring would it be if this were easy? Having Stone struggle and lash out now is just going to make it so much more satisfying in the end.

Flynn chuckles when Stone starts threatening him but then he suddenly bristles at whimper and cry and for a second he's incautious, accidentally flashing memory fragments into the connection --

(and he is screaming SO much and he'll do anything to make it stop but it never stops and)

-- and he slams a lid on it, kicking the remnants of his pathetic former self back into the grave where he belongs. "You think you scare me?" Flynn scoffs and gets up. "You don't scare me. You have no idea what fear even is. What pain is."

He looks down on Jacob with a thin, cold smile. "But you will. Oh, I promise you, Stone, you will. And then I'll have you. And you're gonna think back to this very moment and wish you would have just laid down and taken it."

Stone stares at him, not backing down, when suddenly--

(and he is screaming SO much and he'll do anything to make it stop but it never stops and)

He reels, confused, it was so baffling he almost had no idea where it was from but then again, where else would it be from? Could it be from?

...what happened to Flynn in that place?

Was that what made him like...like this?

Could the connection go both ways? Could he break through, try and reach that Flynn?

"And you do," he says this a matter-of-factly. Honestly, it was wonderfully satisfying--as momentarily scary as it was--to hear him screaming like that.

"I don't think so. I think you're the one who's gonna be regrettin' this moment."

And he tries to push on their connection, with all his considerable intellect, with every fiber of his being, with every ounce of strength he can mentally muster, with every bit of determination to save Jones, trying to break through to that memory, to get through to Flynn's head--if he can, maybe he can break himself free--

Edited 2018-04-18 08:49 (UTC)

... What!?

Flynn draws in a sharp breath, Stone's counter-charge takes him completely by surprise. After everything that has happened today, that he put his mind through, he doesn't expect Stone to have to power to fight back. Flynn tries to throw up mental barriers, to push him out but he's just a split second too late and then Stone is in his head, but not just anywhere in his head, in a very particular set of memories, not his memories but those of his other self and—

And Norfinbury is a place of snow and death and hunger and isolation—

And he's sitting with Peter, another Flynn, a young Flynn, and he's telling a story in different voices, it's about a Treasure Chest and they are making a good memory in a place that is so desolate and takes everything from you that is good and just—

And Flynn is so glad that he has met him, Peter is his best friend and he never had a best friend before and Peter gives him a friendship bracelet and Flynn loves him so much—

And then things turn bad when Peter becomes immortal and months turn into years and years into decades and Peter is changing, getting twisted into something unrecognizable in this hell and Flynn tries so hard to save him, his friend, his best friend, tries so hard and fails and he failed him—

And then suddenly Flynn is immortal, too, and he doesn't understand because he's so young and wide-eyed and innocent and he doesn't know there is a future for him, a future of a life of mystery and misery, of loneliness and adventure, of saving the world every week, twice before Friday. Doesn't know of Stone and Jones and Cassandra and Eve. Doesn't know of his family and Tethering Ceremonies, all he knows is he's immortal and he's in hell and now he'll be in hell forever—

And then Peter betrays him—

A betrayal so unspeakable, so utterly removed from words and concepts and he's so alone, he's so alone—

And then the real hell starts, a hell that makes Norfinbury look like a stroll in a snowy park because this time it's Peter (his best friend, he loves his best friend, how can this happen)—

And there's the Retirement Home—

And Flynn is trying to save people but they keep dying and dying and dying and dying and dying—

Librarian, Librarian, Librarian, he can't forget, he can't forget, and Judson, and Charlene, and Cal, and Nicole—

And spring traps come up from the snow like sharks and bodies hit the ground and the snow is so red and it's his fault—

And he can't read anymore and murder will always be murder and he realizes that he can never be the Librarian again—

And Peter makes him play Running the Gauntlet and hits him—

And then Norfinbury updates his signature to this Flynn, the discordant Flynn, and discordant Flynn takes over and finds a way home before the real Flynn can come back and after everything he's been through Flynn will not go home, will never go home, this Flynn is taking over and he's taking Earth, too.

And then this Flynn grabs Stone and pushes him back, out of his head, out of the old Flynn's memories, looking down at him with an icy expression.

"Not bad. I won't underestimate you again."

...he probably shouldn't have done that.

Jacob can't help but watch with dawning horror at the memories, it's like he'd upset a bookshelf and all the books had come crashing down on him, rather painfully.

They were like them. Him and Jones, they really weren't so different, after all.

And Flynn--the old Flynn, a younger Flynn, still full of hope in that horrible place--what was that place?--and the years that twisted Quill and that betrayal--

--and Flynn, the good Flynn, being tortured in that place, trying so hard to save people but he can't, and it twists him too--

--and now he's gone.

It's so much and it's in his head and he can feel what happened, it's like someone's poured ice water over him and Jacob gasps, if he wasn't on the floor already he would have had to sit down, tears springing to his eyes.

"Y...you..." he points vaguely in Flynn's direction, he's still overcome--the memories that aren't his own feel strange in his head. "He's gone. The real you is gone."

And with that, a small measure of his precious stock of hope is extinguished.

Flynn rolls his eyes and tilts his head back with a mocking groan. "Wow, Stone, you're really smart, you should be, like, a Librarian or something."

He crosses his arms, leaning against the wall next to the cell and looks at him coolly, unmoved by his shock, his tears, his recoiling.

"I AM the real me. Just from a different point in time." He tilts his head back with a thin smile. "In Norfinbury, whenever we would die, the city would take something from us upon our revival. It usually stuck around for a couple of days, then vanish again. We called it the 'death price'. Could be a memory. Could be knowing how to bind your shoes. Could be your voice, your morals, your balance. It could be anything." He says this casually, like he's talking about the weather and not implying the sheer insanity of endless dying experiences. "But sometimes, it would also update you, bring you back from a later point in your life. I was this Flynn's future and the city realized that. But now we're back here and there's no Norfinbury to skip me around in time anymore. Which means I am the real me and I am here to stay."

Flynn pushes away from the wall, chuckling.

"Did you think it was magic, Stone?" Well, technically it was. Or used to be. But he's a signature now, imprinted on this mind and independent from the magic that once caused it. "Did you think I was cursed or under some influence?" He shoots him a nasty look. "Did you think you could save me?"

With a soft tsk he shakes his head. "Poor little Flynn. Flynny, a lot of them would call him. So cute, so good, so self-sacrificing. Norfinbury just ate him alive. And Peter." Suddenly he squats down in front of Stone, staring at him intently. "You think I'm cruel? You've only seen a fraction of what he's capable of. That place you just saw? Peter spent a thousand years there."

He smiles, but there's something almost bitter in it. "That's the guy Jones ate pizza with. And you know what, you better pray with all that you got that Peter didn't take a liking to him. Because he liked Flynny very much. And trust me, you'd rather break Jones' hands a thousand times than have Peter care about him."

Edited 2018-04-18 20:52 (UTC)

Jacob stares at Flynn in horror as he continues his story. That place, it sounds almost impossible, too awful to be real, but here was evidence of its reality. He did think it was because of some kind of magic, something to be reversed, and...

"I did think we could save you." It's bitter. Sad. Mourning.

From the glimpse of the Flynn he saw it just made it so much worse. He was different then--innocent, full of wonder. Well, the Flynn he knew was still full of wonder just harder to get to know, a jerk sometimes--a lot of times--but seeing how he was before made it so much, much worse.

And now he was gone.

And whatever happened to Quill was just...his eyes widen further when Flynn speaks again, how he better hope that Peter doesn't take a liking to Ezekiel. Something cold settles in his stomach and stays there.

As horrible as it was, as horrible as Flynn was, Jacob was still fully--now even more so--on Flynn's side. His loyalty is even more secured with the reveal of how awful Quill was. How dangerous he was, even past the whole taking over the universe thing.

There's a part of him that feels so incredibly sorry, that's hanging onto the notion they can save him somehow--

--because if they could save Flynn, maybe they could save himself as well.

"You don't gotta worry about that. I'm not letting Jones anywhere near that maniac."

Edited 2018-04-18 22:28 (UTC)

Flynn scoffs at Stone's mourning tone but at least he doesn't mock or dwell on it, moving on from the subject of his former self and notion of saving and caring.

But it's good that he managed to secure Stone's loyalty here; a real loyalty, beyond the pendant, at least up to a point. A loyalty born out of love for Earth and Ezekiel and maybe the stupid power of friendship will be useful after all.

It's not that Flynn cares about Jones, far from it but he knows Peter and his-- methods and he knows how resourceful Ezekiel can be. Seeing Jones in Peter's clutches, suffering from his games, sounds incredibly entertaining but as far as Flynn is concerned the thief is a useful tool and one that he doesn't want to end up in Peter's hands.

"Good."

He nods, getting to his feet again.

"You know, I think Flynny would have liked you. He would have thought you're really cool." He tilts his head to the side. "I think you're not so bad myself."

Jacob moves to get up, leaning on his knees for a moment before he can fully stand.

That gets a fierce glare. What game was he trying to play here?

"You aren't him, and don't pretend you share anything but a face. I may be on your side right now, but the second this is over? With Quill? I'm comin' after you. And I'm not holdin' back."

If Flynn is gone. Is truly gone, then he won't feel guilty about anything he might have to do.

Not that he had an actual plan either. He had no idea how he could formulate one without him knowing about it. But it didn't matter. He had to hold onto that hope, that he'd get out of this someday. He needed that hope, bevause without it he really might shatter.

Edited 2018-04-19 05:37 (UTC)

Flynn just smiles at that, tilting his head. "Now those are fighting words! I'm looking forward to it."

He straightens his vest, strolling over to the cell and glancing inside. "Maybe you should go get some rest. You've been very hard at work today, don't you think, hmm?"

Or maybe not. He looks back over his shoulder. "Tell me, how DO you feel about Jones?"

"I'm sure you are." And there's a mental image of Stone punching Flynn, for your viewing delight, pal. You want the connection, well. Deal with it.

"Why don't you just take a look in here and tell me yourself?" Jacob sneers, pointing at his own head.

Flynn's eyes narrow, his smile becoming a tad sharper.

"Well, if you prefer."

And he approaches, at the same time digging into Stone's thoughts, his innermost feelings, looking around for Ezekiel. "Let's see what we can find in here."

...yeah, he really didn't mean it? He just said that cause he's pissed? He's struck with regret instantly as he can feel his memories and feelings getting dragged out against his will.

There's excitement--adventures, the Library, running, clever solutions and saving at the last minute and it's fun, it's so much fun and he's so glad Jones is a part of this, that he's met him, even if he won't admit it out loud he thinks he would have been a shame if only one of them had been chosen by the Library and this team, it's his family and he's never had a family like this and it's something special--

--and he's his friend, he grew on him and despite what he may say he's fond of him, he's protective of him, he'd do anything for him--

--and deep down inside, he needs him, he's the only one who understands what they're going through, he needs Jones and his stupid jokes and pretending not to care--

--and further still, he's his best friend and he loves him and he'll never, ever forgive himself for what he's done--

Flynn withdraws at that point. He knows he could go deeper still but he's proven his point and honestly, all that feelsy lovey-dovey friendship stuff is starting to disgust him. It reminds him too much of his former self with his pathetic little feelings for people.

"Interesting." He looks at him strangely, like he is genuinely surprised that his emotions for Jones run so deep.

"You know, me and Peter used to be close like this once." He smiles thinly. "Maybe you two will throw asteroids at each other some day."

Jacob recoils when Flynn sorts through his head, it's too far in his heart and it's too much--

"Get outta there!" It's less of a growl and more of a plea, even though he'd imagined himself saying it as menacingly as possible. He glares daggers at Flynn, he knows it's his own fault for giving him the idea--again--but these are his thoughts and feelings and it was so wrong that someone else was looking at them, picking through them like Stone was a table full of someone else's memories at a Saturday morning yard-sale, in front of someone else's house, finding old picture frames and albums and pouring through them.

"Unlike you two, Jones and I aren't insane!"

Edited 2018-04-20 03:52 (UTC)

"Yet."

If he's insulted by the notion of insanity, it doesn't show. Instead he scoffs, shaking his head.

"Would be interesting to know how you two would have fared in Norfinbury. I almost wish I could see it."

Edited 2018-04-20 13:32 (UTC)

Well, that's not worrisome at all.

And Stone has some inkling of what it must have been like, after seeing his memories, there's a twinge of a mix of fear and anger when he says that.

"How could you even wish that on anybody when you've lived through something that horrible!?" It's more of a redundant question than anything. He doesn't expect Flynn's answer to be anything other than horrible.

"Because that's how you survive."

He doesn't know why he says it or where it's coming from. Maybe it's the distraction of thinking about Norfinbury and what it was like; the memories of his--

No, the memories of the other Flynn's time there.

Because they're not the same person and all of this didn't happen to him. It didn't. Which is why he helped so actively to destroy that other, weak, pathetic version of himself.

Because they're not the same.

Because he can't have them be the same.

"No." Jacob frowns, too wrapped up in his righteous indignation to notice that might be more of an admission than he realized.

"That's not how you survive, by twisting every single moral you've ever had, by becoming a monster. You survive by protecting who you are, protecting the good, protecting other people!"

"You think I didn't try!?"

His tone shifts, he's almost yelling with a rage that flares up with a sudden, unspeakable intensity. "You have no concept of--"

His voice snaps shut, eyes burning with a startled fury and he turns away abruptly. "Go get some rest, Stone. Believe me, you're gonna need it."

That gives Jacob pause. He frowns, trying to study Flynn's face.

He wasn't expecting that. That was the first time he'd encountered any kind of...goodness...he supposed, in Flynn. Maybe that was the old Flynn's memories leaking through.

Maybe there was a way to break through to him? Or maybe this was just the last vestiges of a man lost to...to whatever Norfinbury had been.

"...yeah." He says slowly. "Yeah, I'm tired anyway." And with that, he turns away as well, heart and mind heavy with a...lot to think about.

Flynn grits his teeth while he's stomping off.

protecting the good, protecting other people

And how dare he, how DARE he after he tried so hard, he tried SO hard, months and years of trying and--

And it doesn't matter. He shakes his head in confused fury, burying whatever-- this was back deep down inside.

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And the stars look very different today...

cw vomiting

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